Attention, attention!

Recently I watched a film about 'collateral beauty'. It touched me deeply. Why? Because I seemed to experience the essence of life — and that is loving one another. Love seems so confused in our world, because we are not focused on loving but live in a kind of ecosystem of attention value. Sadly that has nothing to do with love. We boost attention when we want something or want to achieve something. It is focused on ourselves.

“Attention is aimed at the process and the result — not at the other person.”

I notice that genuinely giving someone your attention is truly different from granting attention value to a person or a situation. Functional attention is about the variable time you give to a person, a question, a moment, without emotional connection — and often you do not even notice. Genuine attention asks for emotional connection, daring to experience and show vulnerability, and stopping what you were doing or thinking. I teach my students to collaborate, but not to show interest in each other — and when I do, it is to make the process easier. Result-oriented instead of people-oriented.

I miss attention, and I need it — first of all from myself. I notice it privately, with friends, at work and in many other relationships. Perhaps I miss it because I do not give it myself, while I long for it so much. I am caught in the trap of giving attention for the sake of the process.

In my life I try to involve God. When I think of God, Jesus shows His character on earth: He continuously gives real attention. When He heals, He cares not only for the healing but also for the person. The woman who touched Him was healed; Jesus stopped and wanted to know who she was, so He could give attention to her soul as well.

“We all need attention and recognition. But do we give it to each other?”

What do we actually need as human beings? Love and attention, so that I am affirmed. My spirit, my soul and my body all need daily affirmation — affirmation that I am allowed to be, rather than a functional attention boost because someone wants something from me. How can we affirm one another without wanting anything in return?

Forms of attention for yourself and others: touch, giving time, listening (not filling in and solving), asking questions, dreaming, letting emotions in and feeling them, reflecting, being still for God's voice, not wanting to do everything, walking, showing interest in the other and in your own needs. I want genuineness — towards you and towards myself. You and I deserve that.

What do you want to give and receive — boosted attention, or genuine attention?

December 2021, Ernst-Ariaan van der Giessen — GenuineThinker. Inspired by, among others, Atie Zijderlaan, Peter Wilms, Wessel Ros, Kars Zijlstra and God.